Romans 1 & 2 - Lovely Sunrise, Don't Judge.

After reading these 2 chapters I feel the need to reflect. Chapter 1 is really easy for me to reflect on. I love nature. I worked in my yard for 3 hours today. I pulled weeds, watered, pruned, etc. I think back to our beach trip this summer. I can vividly remember standing on the beach with my sweet hubs watching the sun rise. Nothing was created with a bang. Nothing was accidental. It was ALL created by God in complete perfection.

Chapter 2, not as easy. I really struggle at times with judging. It is a sneaky type of judgement. It is not the "I am better than you and I know more about ________ so I can tell you what you need to do.". It usually more of an "I cannot believe that he/she is doing that and that people are allowing it". It is wrong, wrong, wrong. I am not judging in a Christian way although I try to convince myself that I am. I am not not judging based on truth. I am not judging in any helpful way. 

God's judgement is based on truth. He will be the ultimate judge of me and you. He will see our secrets, our sin, our good deeds, our faithfulness...he will see our heart. He sees our heart 

I think that a lot of times I judge others subconsciously to boost myself. It is hard to type that but it has to be said. I am far from perfect and honest if nothing more. 

Today I will be praying that God helps me to do his will, run from sin and call in him. I don't want to be judgy for the wrong reasons. I want my judgement to be for the sole purpose of helping others in love to draw closer to Christ and experience the grace and mercy that he gives to me daily. I don't want to be known as Judgy McJudges Alot. 

Numbers 35 - Girl Power

I love the end of this book. Women can now be landowners through inheritance. This is really a big fist pump moment in the Old Testament.

While this was great progress for women, we all know it was just a small drop in the bucket.

At the young age of 39 I sometimes forget how things were before me. As a busy wife, mom and teacher it is almost impossible to reflect on anything other than the long to do list.

I am truly thankful for these type of strong women in my life. Mentors. My go to in times of need. You know who you are. I don't have to name you here. You are my calm in the crazy, my pause when I am on fast forward, my rescue when I am in the deep water, my breathe in times of suffocation. You are strong women of God placed perfectly by Him in my life, in my day, in my moment.

I bet those women who went to Moses and Eleazar had those mentors cheering them on. Encouraging them. Telling them what to say and what NOT to say. Calming them in the nervousness.

One day I hope to be that women to someone. In the meantime, I will continue to call on my girl squad and most importantly God.

Numbers 34 and 35 - Refuge

It is so comforting to know that God knows everything about me. He knows my weaknesses and is available to meet with me anytime.

As I have grown as a Christian, the one thing that has been such a blessing to me is my increase in the times I go straight to Him first. So many times in the past, when I wasn't in his word and was far away from him, I would feel such shame. This shame was normal to feel except for when it kept me from taking it straight to him.

My growth has brought me to a beautiful place to where I know that God loves me no matter what. Seeing examples throughout the Bible of his mercy and grace has allowed me to condition my mind and my heart to know that God loves me and knows me. He is my refuge in times of need. He wants me to come to him. He loves me despite myself.

Knowing him and being able to go to him in these times of troubles help to squash a lot of the worry. I do still worry when I am in times of need but so much more less than I would before. After all, he's still working on me.

Lord, thank you for being my refuge. When this world seems upside down and troubles are all around me, I am so grateful that I have you and my constant. Father thank you for your love and protection and for knowing everything about me. -Amen

Numbers 32 - Past Seasons

We are all on a journey. Each one of our paths is different.

I have shared my testimony here before. I can bet that no one has gone through exactly what I have been through. I do know that although our journey's have been different, God has been with both of us every step of the way.

It is so important that we take time to reflect on where we were and where God has brought us. It gets so easy in the easy times to remember the hard times.

I know I did a thing that I was very ashamed of. It hurts me to think about it even today. I have to think about it, feel those emotions and most importantly remember the grace given to me by God and my husband.

Jeffrey and I had one of those soul cleansing arguments last week. Lots of hurt and raw emotion. It was so important to have gone through that. I am reminded through that how much he loves me and how he only wants the best for me. In that conversation Jeffrey told me that he would never give up on me no matter what I did.

Whoa!

He basically gave me an open door to do bad things and know that he would always forgive me. That must have been a very vulnerable place for him.

The truth is that I love Jeffrey and I would never intentionally hurt him.
The truth is that I love God and I would never intentionally hurt him.

I have. I will.

And they will both offer grace and mercy.

I say that to say this...we have to have our minds reflect on past seasons so we don't make those same mistakes again. We have to have our minds on seasons past so we remember the grace and mercy. We have to have our mind on seasons past to see where God has never abandoned us.

I encourage you to spend time thinking about some of your seasons today. Isn't God great! I know that he always gives me so much more than I deserve.

Numbers 32 - Remembories

When my sweet Laura was younger she said some words incorrectly like most kids do. One of my favorites is remembories, a combination of remember and memories.

So many times in my daily living, I need God to remind me, I need those memories of my past sins and failures. I need God to say "wait, remember what happened before". I need to remember to take caution to not repeat past mistakes.

I also need those beautiful memories of serving God and his blessings on my life. Yesterday our lesson is SS was about money and the problems associated with it. As I sat there and listened I was reminded that I have never done without and that I have to trust in God in times of wealth and times of poverty.

But friends this goes beyond money...

There are times of financial wealth and poverty.
There are times of spiritual wealth and poverty.
There are times of relationship wealth and poverty.
There are times of health wealth and poverty.


In all of these times I need to remember that his love is loyal. We can't out run his grace.

It is easy for me to remember the good times with God but I need to spend time today thinking about the times I failed our unfailing God. I need to use those as markers in my life to keep me from going down the wrong path again.

I crave him. I want to be close to him. I don't want to ever go back to where I was before.

So thankful today for his reminders and my memories of both the good and the bad.

Numbers 30 & 31 - My Word

Want to know one of my hubby's pet peeves? Make a promise or tell him you are going to do something and not do it.

I do this a lot. No on purpose. I really truly mean at that moment that I am going to do it.

Then I get so busy with life that I forget. Then come the excuses and rational because I don't want to see him hurt.

Ouch.

Here is an example. A few years ago we had a huge hailstorm that damaged our roof. The adjuster came out and we qualified to get a new one. Being the good wifey that I am, I told Jeffrey not to worry. I would be glad to handle it. Girls, any guesses on how long it took me to get the roof put on our house? Um, just got a new roof this April. 2 LONG YEARS of him asking when it would get done. 2 LONG YEARS of me promising that I would get it done. 2 LONG YEARS of me pushing it to the back of my to-do list. 2 LONG YEARS of me showing disrespect to my husband without really even knowing I was doing it.

Just last week Jeffrey and I went to some dark, deep, hurting places. I have this new thing that I am doing that I LOVE to do and am very passionate about. I have been so busy being successful at it, even getting national recognition for my success, that I have put Jeffrey (and God) towards the bottom of my to-do list. Once again I was making promises that I didn't keep. I was busy being awesome at my new thing but being terrible at the most important things. Wife and child of God.

As usual Jeffrey and God showed me grace and mercy. This weekend he joyfully and without hesitation let me go to our national conference. While there I learned about the Christian values and mission work this company prides itself on. Over and over again I heard stories of women having the opportunity to spend MORE time with their family. Not less. I heard the CEO pray and give thanks for how God is using us to bring joy to others through these products. I heard over and over that God and family were first.

I have tons of material to look over and I need to be prepping for a party I have tomorrow night. Instead I am being here right now, in this moment, with you and our precious Lord Jesus. I know from my life that when I put God first, everything else falls into place.

Thank you for not giving up on me, the blog and this beautiful thing started August 29th of last year.

Numbers 26, 27, 28, and 29 - He is worthy.

This morning I completed the charts in our experience guide and I am just really overwhelmed. The sacrifices that were made in these chapters were specific, tedious and a huge expense. I am so thankful this morning that Jesus died on the cross so these blood sacrifices were no longer needed.

In chapter 29 in 21 days these were the totals of the sacrifices:

Bulls - 72
Rams - 17
Lambs - 119
Goats - 10

It was definitely good to be a goat.  =o)

Can you imagine having to go this day in and day out? All of that blood. It really makes me queasy to even think about it.

This morning I am going to reflect on God sacrificial offering of his one and only son. Join me in praying a prayer of thanksgiving to him this morning. He is worthy of so much more than we can ever give him.

Numbers 24 & 25 - Priority

I have had my focus on other things lately. Grad school, my summer school work and my new business.

I have not had my focus on God.

God has really blessed me with my new business venture but I have let it take priority over many things in my life. I have put my first focus each day on my business and not God.

Today I am changing all of that. From now on the first thing I will do each morning is be in His word. Everything else will take care of itself when I put God first.

I feel ashamed of what I have let happen but I know that God still loves me and forgives me. He still has plans to use me for his good.

Though I may not of sinned like the people in Numbers 24 and 25 my sin is just as equal. Anytime we take our eyes off of Him we open up the opportunity for Satan to get a foothold. Satan is crafty and loves to make us believe that things are exciting and wonderful when in all reality they are distracting us for our Lord and Savior.

Lord I thank you today for all that you have given me. I thank you for all of the wonderful success you have blessed me with. I pray for forgiveness for putting you second or third. I pray that you will have mercy on me and help guide me in the ways YOU would have me to go. Lord use me through new opportunities to share about you and your greatness. May you be glorified in EVERYTHING I do each day. Lord I thank you that each day is a new day and that you are a God that loves me and forgives me each day. -Amen

Special Post: Golden Anniversary

Tomorrow we are traveling to Raleigh to celebrate 50 years of marriage for Jeffrey's parents. I think about my life so far, only being married for 18, and I am in awe. I really have not celebrated many 50th anniversaries. My dad's dad died, my mom's parents divorced during their 50th year and my mom and dad celebrated 25 before my mom passed on.

When I think about this day for them, I can only see 18 years of their life together. What I have seen in those years is that they value family, love their children and are helpers. I can speak personally on ALL 3 of these.

For a moment I want to focus on is Jeffrey. He is my source for the years beyond my 18. He had two parents that loved him and raised him to be the man he is today. He played with dolls, was on the jazz dance team, loved sports, made good grades and stayed out of trouble for the most part. When Jeffrey talks to me about his childhood there is this underlying theme:

He knew his parents loved him no matter what and they listened to him. They were tough but fair. That in turn made him feel shame when he did get caught doing wrong. He developed character and that helped shape the decisions he would make all of his life.

Those of us who are parents know that you can do your very best and your children still choose to make bad decisions. There is no guarantee that you get out what you put in.

I have seen these two people love people (not just their children) who have made bad decisions. They loved me through a rough period of my life and helped us through some tough patches in our life. They came to our home to help when the kids were little, during busy times when I was in college and during emergency situations. They do this for all of their children and during these last 15 years I have seen that translate into helping their parents.

I guess I say all of that to say this, I am very proud and honored to be a part of the Collins family. I quickly learned that no family is perfect but it is the love they have for one another that sets them a part.

I hope that on my 50th I can look back and have accomplished as much as they have these 50 years. Are they were they thought they would be today? I think most of us would answer no if we were asked this question.

What I know is that they are two amazing people who have invested in the people they love and that is what being married and raising a family is all about.

Numbers 21, 22 and 23 - Unnoticed Protection

These 3 chapters have been very difficult for me to wrap my brain around. Too many difficult and similar names. Ugh. Between online classes and planning a special event this weekend, my brain is on autopilot.

What I do see here is that God protects and he keeps his promises to his people.

I can't even imagine how many times God has protected me when I really didn't even know. I think of that corny song (yes, not a big fan) by Garth Brooks, Unanswered Prayers. I do appreciate it's message. So many times I have wanted something sooooooooooooooooooooooo badly and didn't get it. I was disappointed and confused. I am sure there was a little anger thrown in there as well. I would beg and plead with God and frankly turn away from Him in hopes of securing on my own.

The beautiful truth is that God intended for me NOT to have that thing I desperately wanted, get that praise I felt I deserved to have, be chosen for that team to work on that project that was innovative...I praise him for the few times that he reveals his protection for me. But that brings me to right here right now wondering how many times he has done this and not revealed it to me.


Lord, thank you for always keeping your promises to me. Thank you for loving me so much and knowing exactly what I need. Your wisdom is more than I can fathom and your power and glory has me in awe. You are worthy of my praise through all that I face, good and bad. Lord help me to hold on to those promises when I am doubting you Father. Thank you for your protection and provisions in times that seemed bleak with no possible answers. Father I am claiming your power over so many of these situations right now and I am giving you full control. Thank you God for having power over it all. -Amen

Numbers 18, 19 and 20 - In Sync (Not the boy band.)

There is so much to say about these chapters. It is difficult to know where to start.

In Chapter 18 we see God's love and provision for his people once again. He calls the Levites to care for the tent with specific instructions. While they are called to do this big job for him God provides for them by giving them the offerings of the Israelite nation. In verse 20 we see the beautiful picture of how they would not have an inheritance because God was their share and inheritance.

Let us just pause here for a moment and reflect on this. God was their share and inheritance. God is our share and inheritance. I don't know about you, but I sure needed to read and reflect on this today.

In Chapter 19 we see specific instructions from God on the water of cleansing. God would purify an unclean person's faith by the sprinkling of this water. This is such a beautiful picture of God's love for the His people.

Chapter 20 is probably the saddest chapter of the Old Testament. Here we see that the people were without water. Once again Moses went to God and asked for Him to provide for the people. God gave specific instructions on what Moses was to do.

1. Take the staff,
2. Gather the assembly.
3. SPEAK to the rock.

What did Moses do?
1. Took the staff.
2. Gathered the assembly.
3. Struck the rock.

Before I go any further I want to say that I have done this countless times in my 39 years on earth.

Here God.
Trust in God.
Do part of what God says to do/Do what I think is best.
Receive the consequence from God.

Moses spent his life honoring God and doing what God commanded him to do yet in this one instance Moses, in anger, hit the rock with the staff instead of speaking to it.

I agree with the ladies in the weekend wrap up. We can stop here and focus on how Moses really messed up and received what I feel would be a devastating consequence or we can praise God for providing the water despite Moses' disobedience.

This passage really shows God's love for Moses despite the anger that Moses showed God's people. God provided the water. He didn't strike down Moses. Moses was doing good for God but for the wrong reason.

So many times I find myself doing this. It really takes discipline, prayer and reflection to make sure that I am not serving Him to gain attention for myself. The glory is ALL God's. In everything he allows me to do to serve him, the glory is His.

This is so hard to read because Moses was so obedient. It seems like there were so many complaints and unbelief from the Israelites. Over and over Moses went to God on their behalf asking Him to spare them.

But ladies, we all know that we are called to be set apart. We are called to follow Him and be obedient to him. Our good works alone are not going to please God. We must listen to Him though his word, prayer, quiet time...We have to be in sync with God to know what he wants us to do in our lives.

I have been out of sync these past few weeks. I am praying that my focus be on Him each day as I rise, all throughout my day and when I close my eyes at night. It is so easy to grumble, busy myself with other things and not be disciplined.

I pray that I will be in sync with my Father and hear his instructions for me.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTDoDA-1lsE