Acts 21 & 22 - Make Something Beautiful

This week I have let lots of stuff come between me and my daily work here.

School
My Initials Inc Business
A Busy Schedule
Tiredness

I really feel ashamed for not giving my first fruits to Him this week.

Last week I was feeling super tired. I have been sooooooooo busy with IEPs, end of school and various other time snatchers that I have not gone to the gym like I needed to be. When I am in the gym 3-5 times a week I feel healthy, strong and full of energy.

My time with God each day is no different.

When I am not in his word daily I get tired, weak and off track. It is so easy to find excuses not to put Him first.

I love 2 things that jumped out to me this morning in these chapters.

1. God spoke only in a way that Saul (Paul) could hear. No one else could see or understand.
2. My past sins don't limit my future witness or work for Christ.

I love how the first revelation happens to me. I can read scripture and see a different message then when I read it before. I can hear songs, re-read books, commentaries, past blogs, etc and see how He is using that moment in time to speak to me in a new way, a way that no one else can see or understand.He is giving that moment to me. It is personal and beautiful and displays His love for me.

While reading the scripture this morning I wrote the second revelation in the margins of my journaling bible. I love how Paul gave his testimony. He spoke our lives in this passage. We were all Saul before coming to know Christ. So many times I look at my sins and past mistakes as embarrassing and something that separates me from being able to do His work. I immediately think of this song below. He is going to make something beautiful out of this brokenness. Out of this sin. Out of my imperfectness.

Father thank you for what you are doing in my life. Thank you for ALL of my life and how you are using it. When I am tired and distracted I pray that you give me the strength and guidance to focus on your work and will in my life. Forgive me when I put anything before you. You are worthy. You are my Father. You love me despite the broke down days that I have. Thank you Lord for your word and for all of the beautiful works you have done, are doing and will do in me. Amen!

Make Something Beautiful

Acts 18, 19 & 20 - Confident in His Will

Life has been a little crazy. Sorry I am so far behind...

I have really been moved by reading about Paul's life. So many times I have felt too lost or broken to believe that God could use me. So many times in my life God has had to tell me to get up on my feet and follow his will.

These chapters are such a beautiful picture of God's love for Paul. Paul reached so many people and cared deeply for the people of Ephesus. Paul's season in this city was coming to and end. I think about my own transition right now. The words in Chapter 20 give me great hope. While I will miss the wonderful people I work with, I am confidently trusting in God.

Change is difficult. I like to be able to predict things. I like to be comfortable. Paul definitely stepped out of his comfort zone according to the call that was put on his life.

I hope that I can continue to be confident of what I am called by him to do. I pray this in advance of those long, difficult days when I am not sure why I am where I will be.

God calls us to be uncomfortable. I am praying verse 24 this morning. May God use me to testify about his good news!

Beautifully Broken

Here is my story that I shared at a women's ministry event Monday night.

When you look at me you see a mother, wife, teacher, friend, volunteer, encourager, writer and most importantly a child of God.

What you don’t see is the mess that my life was and sometimes still is.

I have been in darkness. Far away from God. Many times in my life.

When I was asked to share my story my first thought was that my story changes every day but God remains the same. He is the one constant in my life.

Satan was quick to start whispering lies to try to discourage me. He wants me to believe that I am broken and not good enough.

What can I say that could help someone?

They must have had a hard time finding someone to do this.

Then my prayers began with a specific focus.

Lord, give me the words that someone needs to hear. Help me to encourage. Help me do your will. It is not about me, it is about you and proclaiming the wonderful works in my life.

And then there was this verse one morning during my devotional:

“But you will receive the power when the Holy Spirit comes on you.” Acts 1:8

And it did. And it has been powerful.

As I wrote these words I kept feeling that maybe these words weren’t for someone else. Maybe God needed me to see his power. I think I needed a big reminder of...

His love for me.

His provisions.

His grace.

His mercy.

His power to save.

His light that has always been shining, even in the darkest parts of my life.

I have always been a church girl. Not going to church was not an option during my childhood.

As a young adult with the freedom to say no to church, I went.

My childhood was really messy and I received so much love from the people in my small country church. There were lots of things that happened to me that I felt I didn’t deserve. While writing this I see that God was providing love and nurturing and building the foundation through those sweet women teaching sunday school and children’s church. Although the message from home was “not good enough” , “unworthy”, “failure”, the message from church was that of love. I had the opportunity this weekend to thank some of those women for their love but most importantly for their prayers.

When I met Jeffrey in 1998 he was not a church boy. My grandmother quickly set him straight. If you are visiting here on a Sunday, you will go to church. And he did. We had a long distance relationship so he would stay with us some weekends and he was in church every Sunday.

Jeffrey had been brought up Methodist but had never been saved. My pastor discouraged me from marrying him because we were not evenly yoked. I felt God saying something so different.

In August 1998 Jeffrey and I were married and I moved away from home for the first time. I moved from a little town outside of Macon, GA to Rock Hill, SC. I knew no one there. It was lonely. I quickly found a church.

We both went through the motions of church for the next several years. Jeffrey would come occasionally. I met a wonderful friend at my part time job at Belk. Her family loved us and took us in as part of their family. Once again, God provided for us. He provided a family that loved us when we were so far away from our own in a new unfamiliar place.

In 2000 Jeffrey was offered a job in Columbia so we moved. Once again, to a place I had never been to. I knew no one. So, I found a church. I started teaching 4 year old Sunday School at Shandon. Jeffrey would come to church more often. He enjoyed helping me on Sundays.

That next year Jeffrey and I were laying in bed one night at his parents house. He turned to me and told me that he wanted what I had. He wanted that relationship with Jesus. My husband was the first person I had led to Christ. That beautiful moment means more than any other. His name was entered into the book of life.

In 2004 I was then blessed with a baby after concerns of infertility. When Abby was a perfect, typically developing 8 month old, Jeffrey and I decided that we wanted another baby. 9 months later we had another sweet baby girl.

Despite all of this goodness there was was darkness.  My mom died unexpectedly. My dad remarried a year later. My grandparents who had been married for 50 years divorced.

I was lost. Far from God. I was a liar. I was dishonest. This was the start of the darkest period of my life. I did things that hurt my family. Jeffrey had every right to leave me. We were in financial ruins. We were at rock bottom from my huge error in judgment. All while having these sweet babies.

As Jeffrey and I continued to heal from the consequence of my sin, we had to keep going. This time in our life was mainly dark with glimmers of light. Jeffrey was working nights and watching the kids while I was finishing up my degree in special education. It was hard. It was lonely. We were both so tired. God continued to provide for us as he always had. I graduated, found a job prior to graduating and have been serving him through my preschool special needs class ever since.

Many of you know the details of Abby and her diagnosis of Autism. I could really speak for hours about this but I will simply say this… Abby was a nonverbal toddler. We were far away from family. God provided through this church. He gave us sweet Lindsay during this season of our life. She loved my girls are cared for them while I was finishing my degree at Columbia College. He surrounded us with a support system that was clearly from him. Through his people. Through his church.

And here I am today. Living proof of his grace and mercy. He took someone broken, someone away from the flock and filled me full of the Holy Spirit, fully surrendering to him. He is helping this broken church girl piece together my life according to his plan.

This past year of my life has been pretty amazing. It hasn’t been perfect. It hasn’t been easy.

It has simply been filled with Jesus.

It has been filled with his word. It has been filled with prayer. It has been filled with beautiful worship. It has been filled with a pouring out of myself so I can be filled with him.

Some of you follow a blog that I started last year to use a way to dig deeper into the Proverbs 31 Ministries First 5 Bible Study.

I didn’t know enough about the Bible to even think I could do this. I can tell you that doing this daily has changed my life. My day starts at 4:30 with at least an hour of study and prayer. Before August of last year, I would read my Bible at church on Sunday.

This year I have stopped putting limits on God. I have developed a deep relationship with him through study and prayer. I have put my trust in him.

As I reflect through this testimony I see that it is clear that I am Beautifully Broken and that he is using my brokenness to reach and minister to others.

During this season he has called me to a new mission field. I have taken a job as a middle school resource teacher for the next school year. I have really been surrounded by his perfect peace in every detail of this move…..

(Share details if time allows)

It really is a leap of faith where I am putting complete trust in Him because it cannot come from me. He will equip me and give me what I need to do what he has planned for me.

I don’t know what this next year holds. I do know that I will continue to draw closer to him everyday. I do know that it will be filled with his word and a relationship with him. He is the light in the darkness. He is the glue that holds all of these broken pieces together.

Will you pray with me?

Lord, thank you for these women that are here tonight. Father I want to thank you for all of the seasons in my life. Even in the darkest moment of my life you have been there shining brighter than the sun. Thank you for loving me despite of myself. I pray that you bless each women and family represented here. I pray that you work in mighty ways that are clearly from you. Forgive us for where we fall short each day and sometimes even each moment. Help us to be the women that you call us to be.  Thank you for this opportunity to fellowship tonight. We give you all of the honor and praise, Amen.

Acts 14 & 15 - On Being Reasonable

I think I can learn a lot about handling conflict from today's reading. So many times I am quick to get angry and think the worst of a given situation that I don't take time to really evaluate what is really going on.

Especially with my children.

There are some times that I should really sit down and listen to my kids reasoning on why they made certain choices. I think that if I could just do this, a lot of yelling and anger would go away. 

There are other times in my life when people wrong me and I just stay quiet. This is not always the best solution. I have this little saying I use pretty much every day...People do what you allow. 

Then there are the times when I am mama bear mad and I don't care who knows it. Not much need for elaborating here. 

But here is where I get it wrong from the very first hint of a problem...I don't immediately go to him in prayer. I have improved so much in this area but it is still a tough one. I need to seek his voice and I need him to give me ears to hear, a tongue slow to speak, patience and empathy. 

My youngest daughter and I have started a journal that we can use when we are really angry, hurt, or if we just want to share something positive. We have only used this a few times but it is really neat to see the other persons perspective written down where I can respond. It is kind of hard to yell with pencil and paper. I am also really thankful for the eraser. 

Acts 13 - Worthy

There have been times in my life where I have considered myself unworthy.

While I have never felt unworthy of the gift of eternal life, I have sent God messages that I felt unworthy of the things he has given me.

A wonderful husband
Two beautiful girls
An amazing career

It's not like I say "God, I am unworthy of these things you have given me", I consider myself unworthy when I doubt my abilities in these areas. I consider myself unworthy when I make mistakes and feel like I can't get it right. Doubt comes when I don't trust in him fully.

Ok, so that was a light bulb moment.

I doubt myself when I don't trust in him fully.
Doubting myself reflects  me questioning him and his power and goodness.

YIKES!

Being worthy means trusting in God and the abilities he has given me through his grace and love. When I doubt the power of the Holy Spirit, I am sending the message that God must have gotten it wrong with me or a certain area of my life.

When I am sharing his word I don't want people to look at me and see doubt. I want to be strong in my faith so others can see that while I may be unsure of what God's plans are for me, I know that he will provide and his will for me will be done.

Prayer Request:
Tomorrow we will be traveling to GA for my sisters wedding. There are many concerns here that I don't feel comfortable sharing. Please pray for my family but more specifically for my sister and this union she is about to enter in. Pray that God will work in these two lives. Thanks so much!

Acts 12 - Bound In Chains

Finances...
Work...
Relationships or lack of...
Lies...
Loneliness...
Obsessions...
Addictions...
Gossip...
Jealousy...
Anger...
Bitterness....
Sickness...
Betrayal...

These are just a few of the things that keep us in chains.

God can rescue us. He will make the chains fall. We may have no idea what he is doing or where he is taking us.

He knows.

He loves us.

We can't outrun his grace.

God is...
constant.
unfailing.
perfect.
unwavering.

I keep playing "Loyal" on loop while I am working on my story for Monday night. Every word just speaks to me so loudly. He has never let me go. Even when I was so far away from him. He loved me.

He is always the light.

Acts 11 - Remain True To The Lord

Last night I posted 2 quotes on Facebook. Soon after the Holy Spirit took hold of me and I quickly deleted both.

Right now I am in a transition period at work. It is an odd place to be. I can see the people who are truly invested in my friendship now. Since giving my notice I see who really appreciate and cherish my friendship and those who were not all that invested.

The posts were basically about people who were not cheering for you and who were raining on your parade. Nothing vulgar. Nothing inappropriate to post. It was clearly not remaining true to the Lord.

The truth is that no matter how we feel in the moment, we have to remain true to the Lord. I do sometimes question what God calls me to do to encourage others. I really try to go above and beyond to love people and show them how special they are to me. I feel that rarely receive that back in the same manner. That is hard. I know that God calls me to be an encourager but even sometimes the encouraging needs some encouraging right? No one wants to feel that they are not valued or appreciated.

Then I walk into work on Monday and find a sweet gift and note on my desk. The note was clearly the treasure here. There could have been a 10k diamond ring in that box and the note would have still been more valuable.

The note read:
Mandey,

Happy Birthday! I hope your bday and celebration was a special as you are and full of as much love, compassion and generosity as you show others. You are a brilliant, passionate, caring friend and I am so thankful for all of the hugs, prayers, grace, appreciation, kindness, gifts and unconditional love that you have shown me these past 6 years...I am going to miss you for these reasons and more.

I am crying again as I reread that this morning.

While I clearly know that I am doing Gods will in this career change, I still have moments of uncertainty and weakness,  I need encouraging.

This sweet friend encouraged me more in that moment with that sweet note than I have been encouraged all year. I needed to read those words. It was clearly from God.

I am so thankful for my encouragers this morning.

I am holding on to this feeling and searching my mind for someone that I can encourage today. I will make it a point to write a note or share a word with someone who needs that today.

Who can you do the same for?