When you look at me you see a mother, wife, teacher, friend, volunteer, encourager, writer and most importantly a child of God.
What you don’t see is the mess that my life was and sometimes still is.
I have been in darkness. Far away from God. Many times in my life.
When I was asked to share my story my first thought was that my story changes every day but God remains the same. He is the one constant in my life.
Satan was quick to start whispering lies to try to discourage me. He wants me to believe that I am broken and not good enough.
What can I say that could help someone?
They must have had a hard time finding someone to do this.
Then my prayers began with a specific focus.
Lord, give me the words that someone needs to hear. Help me to encourage. Help me do your will. It is not about me, it is about you and proclaiming the wonderful works in my life.
And then there was this verse one morning during my devotional:
“But you will receive the power when the Holy Spirit comes on you.” Acts 1:8
And it did. And it has been powerful.
As I wrote these words I kept feeling that maybe these words weren’t for someone else. Maybe God needed me to see his power. I think I needed a big reminder of...
His love for me.
His provisions.
His grace.
His mercy.
His power to save.
His light that has always been shining, even in the darkest parts of my life.
I have always been a church girl. Not going to church was not an option during my childhood.
As a young adult with the freedom to say no to church, I went.
My childhood was really messy and I received so much love from the people in my small country church. There were lots of things that happened to me that I felt I didn’t deserve. While writing this I see that God was providing love and nurturing and building the foundation through those sweet women teaching sunday school and children’s church. Although the message from home was “not good enough” , “unworthy”, “failure”, the message from church was that of love. I had the opportunity this weekend to thank some of those women for their love but most importantly for their prayers.
When I met Jeffrey in 1998 he was not a church boy. My grandmother quickly set him straight. If you are visiting here on a Sunday, you will go to church. And he did. We had a long distance relationship so he would stay with us some weekends and he was in church every Sunday.
Jeffrey had been brought up Methodist but had never been saved. My pastor discouraged me from marrying him because we were not evenly yoked. I felt God saying something so different.
In August 1998 Jeffrey and I were married and I moved away from home for the first time. I moved from a little town outside of Macon, GA to Rock Hill, SC. I knew no one there. It was lonely. I quickly found a church.
We both went through the motions of church for the next several years. Jeffrey would come occasionally. I met a wonderful friend at my part time job at Belk. Her family loved us and took us in as part of their family. Once again, God provided for us. He provided a family that loved us when we were so far away from our own in a new unfamiliar place.
In 2000 Jeffrey was offered a job in Columbia so we moved. Once again, to a place I had never been to. I knew no one. So, I found a church. I started teaching 4 year old Sunday School at Shandon. Jeffrey would come to church more often. He enjoyed helping me on Sundays.
That next year Jeffrey and I were laying in bed one night at his parents house. He turned to me and told me that he wanted what I had. He wanted that relationship with Jesus. My husband was the first person I had led to Christ. That beautiful moment means more than any other. His name was entered into the book of life.
In 2004 I was then blessed with a baby after concerns of infertility. When Abby was a perfect, typically developing 8 month old, Jeffrey and I decided that we wanted another baby. 9 months later we had another sweet baby girl.
Despite all of this goodness there was was darkness. My mom died unexpectedly. My dad remarried a year later. My grandparents who had been married for 50 years divorced.
I was lost. Far from God. I was a liar. I was dishonest. This was the start of the darkest period of my life. I did things that hurt my family. Jeffrey had every right to leave me. We were in financial ruins. We were at rock bottom from my huge error in judgment. All while having these sweet babies.
As Jeffrey and I continued to heal from the consequence of my sin, we had to keep going. This time in our life was mainly dark with glimmers of light. Jeffrey was working nights and watching the kids while I was finishing up my degree in special education. It was hard. It was lonely. We were both so tired. God continued to provide for us as he always had. I graduated, found a job prior to graduating and have been serving him through my preschool special needs class ever since.
Many of you know the details of Abby and her diagnosis of Autism. I could really speak for hours about this but I will simply say this… Abby was a nonverbal toddler. We were far away from family. God provided through this church. He gave us sweet Lindsay during this season of our life. She loved my girls are cared for them while I was finishing my degree at Columbia College. He surrounded us with a support system that was clearly from him. Through his people. Through his church.
And here I am today. Living proof of his grace and mercy. He took someone broken, someone away from the flock and filled me full of the Holy Spirit, fully surrendering to him. He is helping this broken church girl piece together my life according to his plan.
This past year of my life has been pretty amazing. It hasn’t been perfect. It hasn’t been easy.
It has simply been filled with Jesus.
It has been filled with his word. It has been filled with prayer. It has been filled with beautiful worship. It has been filled with a pouring out of myself so I can be filled with him.
Some of you follow a blog that I started last year to use a way to dig deeper into the Proverbs 31 Ministries First 5 Bible Study.
I didn’t know enough about the Bible to even think I could do this. I can tell you that doing this daily has changed my life. My day starts at 4:30 with at least an hour of study and prayer. Before August of last year, I would read my Bible at church on Sunday.
This year I have stopped putting limits on God. I have developed a deep relationship with him through study and prayer. I have put my trust in him.
As I reflect through this testimony I see that it is clear that I am Beautifully Broken and that he is using my brokenness to reach and minister to others.
During this season he has called me to a new mission field. I have taken a job as a middle school resource teacher for the next school year. I have really been surrounded by his perfect peace in every detail of this move…..
(Share details if time allows)
It really is a leap of faith where I am putting complete trust in Him because it cannot come from me. He will equip me and give me what I need to do what he has planned for me.
I don’t know what this next year holds. I do know that I will continue to draw closer to him everyday. I do know that it will be filled with his word and a relationship with him. He is the light in the darkness. He is the glue that holds all of these broken pieces together.
Will you pray with me?
Lord, thank you for these women that are here tonight. Father I want to thank you for all of the seasons in my life. Even in the darkest moment of my life you have been there shining brighter than the sun. Thank you for loving me despite of myself. I pray that you bless each women and family represented here. I pray that you work in mighty ways that are clearly from you. Forgive us for where we fall short each day and sometimes even each moment. Help us to be the women that you call us to be. Thank you for this opportunity to fellowship tonight. We give you all of the honor and praise, Amen.
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