Some of you know the struggles we are having with our youngest. It is a storm we are currently in. It is stressful, tiring and effecting our entire family system. Most of the time I feel like I have failed as a mother.
I have been in prayer about this and God really spoke to me this morning in this passage.
Laura and I have been keeping a journal that we share back and forth. The hope was that we could get our thoughts down on paper and not yell so much. It has been frustrating to read her responses. She has a sense of entitlement. She thinks that at 10 she knows what is best and appropriate for her. She argues with me when I give her direction. She is disobedient.
On Friday I wrote giving her praise for a job well done on a project her class presented. I told her that I was being disobedient to God when I yelled at her, lost my temper and sometimes cussed. (Yes, cussed. It is not pretty over here.) I explained to her that I was no longer going to let her get me so out of sorts that I was disobedient to God. I also told her that I would meet her in the middle. When I get angry I am not rational with punishments. Even when she is doing okay I still want her to pay for making me feel this way. (Even though I know I am in control on my own weather.)
Today I see that we are to be obedient to him through following his commandments. It is willful. We are making choices to either follow his commands or go our own way.
By choosing to remain in control, pray, be thankful in the storm and keep my cool, I am sending the message to Laura that obedience to God is my top priority despite how this tired, worn out mom reacts in times of stress and anger.
How can I expect her to follow me when I am clearly not following his commands?
Conviction stings. I know God is going to honor my obedience to him with Laura. In those tense moments I am going to train myself to go straight to him and give thanks for her and the blessings that will come.
Thanks to my sweet friends, some of who are praying for this situation as I type this. I am so thankful for you and for your encouragement here each day.
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