Long ago, back in 1998, a certain sweet husband of mine threw a pillow at me and hit my sweet newlywed self right between the eyes. I want to remember that we were arguing but I am not certain. I do remember wanting a divorce. Yes, it was over. The fairy tale was no longer.
I am not kidding.
I was hurt, mortified, shocked and OVERREACTING.
The truth is that I put all I had into Jeffrey. If he was mad at me my stomach would be in knots. If he gave me the silent treatment, I would beg for him to talk to me. I felt unloved and unwanted when we were at odds. All of this was my own making. I had put all that I was on how Jeffrey treated me and loved me. I had unfairly made Jeffrey a god of sorts. Much of this had to do with the distorted view of relationships I had experienced as a child.
Jeffrey being happy and in love with me validated me. It was where I looked for peace and protection. This was not fair to Jeffrey, me and most importantly God.
I have learned so much about relationships over the years. I have grown so much in my relationship with Jeffrey, my girls, friends and God. Putting my trust in God and finding peace in his protection has become my comfort, not anything anyone on this earth can or could ever give me.
Today I am praising God for transforming that dramatic 21 year old who found her self-worth and self-esteem as measured by others into a women who finds her peace and worth from Jesus Christ.
Beautifully broken, finding peace in Him.
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