Romans 15 & 16 - Greetings

I was thinking about how I greet people. Not in just how I say hello, but how I really treat them. All people, not just believers. I love this verse in Romans. To me it seems like it would make a pretty snazzy greeting. See someone on the elevator? Romans 15:13. 80's guy next to me on the elliptical at the gym? Romans 15:13. The cashier at check out? Romans 15:13.

I have to pause and think about how I am living my life based on these 2 chapters. Am I lifting people up, encouraging them, walking strongly in my faith? Am I criticizing, being a stumbling block to others, conforming to the ways of the world?

It is hard to be a Proverbs 31 women some days. This world is so full of opportunities to tear down others. This morning I am going to spend time reflecting on how I can improve on building others up. I want to greet people with the joy and peace that comes from God. I want to share the hope that is from Him. I want to love and live as Paul wrote about.

Romans 14 - Make Up Your Mind

That is exactly what I have done.

I have made up my mind that I will stop passing judgement on people.

Will I fail? Yes. Some habits are hard to break and that is exactly what it is. A habit.

It is so easy for me to see someone else who may be doing something I don't agree with and let the judging begin. I will be very honest in saying that many times I am trying to make myself look or feel better in regards to my sin when I am doing this.

We all know that the truth is clear. We will ALL stand before the judgement seat of God.

Going forward I am going to try to remember a few things when I start to feel all judgy:

I have no idea what this person is really going through.
I have sin.
I don't like it when people do this to me.
Use this time as an opportunity to pray for this person.
Look at my own life and see what sin is hiding in the deep, dark corners.
Ask for forgiveness from God and seek his will.

I really believe that by doing this God is going to bless my relationship with Him. I really do believe that this thing that I do is like a bad connection on a phone call. It makes my relationship with God and others all stacticky. The connection is not clear. Communication is broken.

I know as surely as I have written this today, Satan is going to be super busy. Let's be in prayer for one another today as we try to be less judgy.

Romans 13 - School Clothes

"Clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 13:14

Last night I got out what I was planning on wearing today. I carefully picked out my jewelry. Today is my first day at a new school so I wanted to make a good first impression.

I also spent time in prayer with Jeffrey. We prayed for the school year and all that it will hold. We prayed for God to use us to do His will.

This morning as I walk out the door my LuLaRoe shirt and Premier Jewelry are super cute but most importantly I want to be clothed with Christ. I want to love others and fulfill the law. I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Good luck to all of my teacher friends as they return to school. And for all of you who work year round in various jobs, I hope and pray that you have a good one as well.

As you go through your day today be on the lookout for someone who needs some extra love. Give them a word or encouragement and pray for them.

Romans 9, 10, 11 & 12 - Beautiful Feet

These passages were much needed today. As always, God gives me just what I need in all areas of my life, especially today in his word.

When reading this one verse really hit me:
"How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" Romans 10:15

As I start a new year, new school and new grade I really want to focus on what God is calling me to do. I fully believe that he has placed me where he needs me to be. This year I do not want to get wrapped up in gossip, complaining, etc. Even if I am just hearing it, I am a part of it. I want my feet to bring good news.

I need to prepare my heart today as I prepare my classroom. lesson plans, schedule... I need to make sure that I am connecting with God in such a way that:

-My heart will be open to his instruction and guidance.
-People will see something different in me.
-He will continue to bless me as I call on him.
-I will have opportunities to share his love with others.
-My testimony will be strong and clear to those who need to hear in order to move closer to believing.

Going back to Romans 8:38-39, read this aloud and claim his power over all that can come our way during the day to make us walk any other way but right beside him.

And then hold on to this.

Happy back to school my R2 friends. Let us be ordinary teachers who have our eyes fixed on God! 

Romans 7 &8 - Hard Truth

I have to get real with you here today. I have not been in God's word like I should be each day. I am really ashamed about not posting to the blog at least 4 times each week. This is not who and what I want to be right now.

It is interesting when I look at my current situation. For those of you who know me, you know that my weight has been a constant battle. I have gained 15 pounds since May. This is not who and what I want to be right now.

I have not been in prayer daily. This is hard to say but I feel like I need to be totally honest with you. I know that depression is a problem I have faced in my past. The weird thing is that I am a happy depressed person. Weird but true. I let depression steal things from me. It is stealing my time with God, my prayer time and my health related goals.

I really needed to read these chapters this morning. Chapter 8 has been my battle cry as I sit and reflect on how the last weeks/months have been.

Here are some truths that I needed to hear today:

-The Spirit intercedes for me in my weakness.
-God created me for a purpose.
-God is for me, not against me.
-Nothing can separate me from Him.
-I am a conqueror.
-Nothing I have done can take His love away from me.

I really needed this reality check today. I am making a plan to get back to my best me. I know that I can count on your prayers and encouragement as always.

If you are not your best self right now for whatever reason, give it all to God. He knows. He loves. He wants us to fulfill the calling from Him.

Thanks for letting me be raw and honest today. Thanks for the love and kindness you show me here.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czxd5oa-gi0

Romans 5 & 6 - Freedom and Hope

There are several people I know right know dealing with some very serious things. One is facing a life threatening health issue and one is facing the unknown today with a family member that is missing.

There are really no words to describe how each of these families feel.

But, God knows.

I am so reassured this morning that God's grace, love and mercy is wrapped around these families. While we pray for complete healing and safety we wait to see God's will for them unfold. In the waiting we can be reassured by Romans 6:23, "The gift of God is eternal life". That is His promise sweet friends.

We sin, fall short, forget to pray, make time for other things rather than be in His word, worry, stray, forget and sin. The beautiful thing about God is that he loves us despite ourselves.

While we were still sinners Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

He is not just Lord when things are great and we are obedient. He is Lord during the sickness and sadness that we face. He is Lord when we sin daily. He is Lord when we are far from Him. He is Lord.

I am so thankful this morning that I have been set free from being a slave to sin and now am a slave to righteousness.

Please join me in praying for Randy Davis. He is a member of my church. He had a severe heart attack earlier in the week. I don't know Randy well but what I do know is that his voice is from Heaven. When he sings in the praise choir or does a solo, you truly feel God's presence. Praise for a successful procedure last night and prayer for complete healing.

Please also remember the Beasley/Pierce family. The grandfather of students at the school I taught at last year is missing. There will be a volunteer search effort today. Pray for all things to come together according to God's will and for God to be glorified in every step taken today.

I pray that these sweet families are resting all of their hope in God alone. I pray that as I face today that I will do the same.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNRFumI2ch0

Romans 3 -4 - His Faithfulness

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

Every day.

This morning I am reflecting on God's faithfulness in my life. Today I start a new job as a 6th grade resource teacher. For the past 7 years I have been a preschool special needs teacher. Some of those who know me very well know that I have said hundreds of times that I would NEVER teach middle school. Clearly that was not God's plan for me.

I sit here and think back to all of the times that he has covered me in His protection. I have been accused of things I didn't do, assaulted verbally and physically. and faced with difficult situations that were out of my control.

I have also made mistakes, hurt people's feelings, and have lived and worked outside of His will.

Through all of that he has forgiven me, protected me and sent people to encourage me.

I know this is all because I "believe in him who raised Jesus from the dead. He was delivered over to death for Mandey's (our) sins and was raised to life for Mandey's (our) justification".

I really don't know where I would be without my Lord and Savior. I can remember times when I was far away from Him but I can't imagine not knowing Him at all.

My prayer today as I have a fresh start at work is that I will live my life at home and at work to honor God and all that he has done and continues to do for me moment by moment. Great is thy faithfulness!

Romans 1 & 2 - Lovely Sunrise, Don't Judge.

After reading these 2 chapters I feel the need to reflect. Chapter 1 is really easy for me to reflect on. I love nature. I worked in my yard for 3 hours today. I pulled weeds, watered, pruned, etc. I think back to our beach trip this summer. I can vividly remember standing on the beach with my sweet hubs watching the sun rise. Nothing was created with a bang. Nothing was accidental. It was ALL created by God in complete perfection.

Chapter 2, not as easy. I really struggle at times with judging. It is a sneaky type of judgement. It is not the "I am better than you and I know more about ________ so I can tell you what you need to do.". It usually more of an "I cannot believe that he/she is doing that and that people are allowing it". It is wrong, wrong, wrong. I am not judging in a Christian way although I try to convince myself that I am. I am not not judging based on truth. I am not judging in any helpful way. 

God's judgement is based on truth. He will be the ultimate judge of me and you. He will see our secrets, our sin, our good deeds, our faithfulness...he will see our heart. He sees our heart 

I think that a lot of times I judge others subconsciously to boost myself. It is hard to type that but it has to be said. I am far from perfect and honest if nothing more. 

Today I will be praying that God helps me to do his will, run from sin and call in him. I don't want to be judgy for the wrong reasons. I want my judgement to be for the sole purpose of helping others in love to draw closer to Christ and experience the grace and mercy that he gives to me daily. I don't want to be known as Judgy McJudges Alot. 

Numbers 35 - Girl Power

I love the end of this book. Women can now be landowners through inheritance. This is really a big fist pump moment in the Old Testament.

While this was great progress for women, we all know it was just a small drop in the bucket.

At the young age of 39 I sometimes forget how things were before me. As a busy wife, mom and teacher it is almost impossible to reflect on anything other than the long to do list.

I am truly thankful for these type of strong women in my life. Mentors. My go to in times of need. You know who you are. I don't have to name you here. You are my calm in the crazy, my pause when I am on fast forward, my rescue when I am in the deep water, my breathe in times of suffocation. You are strong women of God placed perfectly by Him in my life, in my day, in my moment.

I bet those women who went to Moses and Eleazar had those mentors cheering them on. Encouraging them. Telling them what to say and what NOT to say. Calming them in the nervousness.

One day I hope to be that women to someone. In the meantime, I will continue to call on my girl squad and most importantly God.

Numbers 34 and 35 - Refuge

It is so comforting to know that God knows everything about me. He knows my weaknesses and is available to meet with me anytime.

As I have grown as a Christian, the one thing that has been such a blessing to me is my increase in the times I go straight to Him first. So many times in the past, when I wasn't in his word and was far away from him, I would feel such shame. This shame was normal to feel except for when it kept me from taking it straight to him.

My growth has brought me to a beautiful place to where I know that God loves me no matter what. Seeing examples throughout the Bible of his mercy and grace has allowed me to condition my mind and my heart to know that God loves me and knows me. He is my refuge in times of need. He wants me to come to him. He loves me despite myself.

Knowing him and being able to go to him in these times of troubles help to squash a lot of the worry. I do still worry when I am in times of need but so much more less than I would before. After all, he's still working on me.

Lord, thank you for being my refuge. When this world seems upside down and troubles are all around me, I am so grateful that I have you and my constant. Father thank you for your love and protection and for knowing everything about me. -Amen

Numbers 32 - Past Seasons

We are all on a journey. Each one of our paths is different.

I have shared my testimony here before. I can bet that no one has gone through exactly what I have been through. I do know that although our journey's have been different, God has been with both of us every step of the way.

It is so important that we take time to reflect on where we were and where God has brought us. It gets so easy in the easy times to remember the hard times.

I know I did a thing that I was very ashamed of. It hurts me to think about it even today. I have to think about it, feel those emotions and most importantly remember the grace given to me by God and my husband.

Jeffrey and I had one of those soul cleansing arguments last week. Lots of hurt and raw emotion. It was so important to have gone through that. I am reminded through that how much he loves me and how he only wants the best for me. In that conversation Jeffrey told me that he would never give up on me no matter what I did.

Whoa!

He basically gave me an open door to do bad things and know that he would always forgive me. That must have been a very vulnerable place for him.

The truth is that I love Jeffrey and I would never intentionally hurt him.
The truth is that I love God and I would never intentionally hurt him.

I have. I will.

And they will both offer grace and mercy.

I say that to say this...we have to have our minds reflect on past seasons so we don't make those same mistakes again. We have to have our minds on seasons past so we remember the grace and mercy. We have to have our mind on seasons past to see where God has never abandoned us.

I encourage you to spend time thinking about some of your seasons today. Isn't God great! I know that he always gives me so much more than I deserve.

Numbers 32 - Remembories

When my sweet Laura was younger she said some words incorrectly like most kids do. One of my favorites is remembories, a combination of remember and memories.

So many times in my daily living, I need God to remind me, I need those memories of my past sins and failures. I need God to say "wait, remember what happened before". I need to remember to take caution to not repeat past mistakes.

I also need those beautiful memories of serving God and his blessings on my life. Yesterday our lesson is SS was about money and the problems associated with it. As I sat there and listened I was reminded that I have never done without and that I have to trust in God in times of wealth and times of poverty.

But friends this goes beyond money...

There are times of financial wealth and poverty.
There are times of spiritual wealth and poverty.
There are times of relationship wealth and poverty.
There are times of health wealth and poverty.


In all of these times I need to remember that his love is loyal. We can't out run his grace.

It is easy for me to remember the good times with God but I need to spend time today thinking about the times I failed our unfailing God. I need to use those as markers in my life to keep me from going down the wrong path again.

I crave him. I want to be close to him. I don't want to ever go back to where I was before.

So thankful today for his reminders and my memories of both the good and the bad.

Numbers 30 & 31 - My Word

Want to know one of my hubby's pet peeves? Make a promise or tell him you are going to do something and not do it.

I do this a lot. No on purpose. I really truly mean at that moment that I am going to do it.

Then I get so busy with life that I forget. Then come the excuses and rational because I don't want to see him hurt.

Ouch.

Here is an example. A few years ago we had a huge hailstorm that damaged our roof. The adjuster came out and we qualified to get a new one. Being the good wifey that I am, I told Jeffrey not to worry. I would be glad to handle it. Girls, any guesses on how long it took me to get the roof put on our house? Um, just got a new roof this April. 2 LONG YEARS of him asking when it would get done. 2 LONG YEARS of me promising that I would get it done. 2 LONG YEARS of me pushing it to the back of my to-do list. 2 LONG YEARS of me showing disrespect to my husband without really even knowing I was doing it.

Just last week Jeffrey and I went to some dark, deep, hurting places. I have this new thing that I am doing that I LOVE to do and am very passionate about. I have been so busy being successful at it, even getting national recognition for my success, that I have put Jeffrey (and God) towards the bottom of my to-do list. Once again I was making promises that I didn't keep. I was busy being awesome at my new thing but being terrible at the most important things. Wife and child of God.

As usual Jeffrey and God showed me grace and mercy. This weekend he joyfully and without hesitation let me go to our national conference. While there I learned about the Christian values and mission work this company prides itself on. Over and over again I heard stories of women having the opportunity to spend MORE time with their family. Not less. I heard the CEO pray and give thanks for how God is using us to bring joy to others through these products. I heard over and over that God and family were first.

I have tons of material to look over and I need to be prepping for a party I have tomorrow night. Instead I am being here right now, in this moment, with you and our precious Lord Jesus. I know from my life that when I put God first, everything else falls into place.

Thank you for not giving up on me, the blog and this beautiful thing started August 29th of last year.

Numbers 26, 27, 28, and 29 - He is worthy.

This morning I completed the charts in our experience guide and I am just really overwhelmed. The sacrifices that were made in these chapters were specific, tedious and a huge expense. I am so thankful this morning that Jesus died on the cross so these blood sacrifices were no longer needed.

In chapter 29 in 21 days these were the totals of the sacrifices:

Bulls - 72
Rams - 17
Lambs - 119
Goats - 10

It was definitely good to be a goat.  =o)

Can you imagine having to go this day in and day out? All of that blood. It really makes me queasy to even think about it.

This morning I am going to reflect on God sacrificial offering of his one and only son. Join me in praying a prayer of thanksgiving to him this morning. He is worthy of so much more than we can ever give him.

Numbers 24 & 25 - Priority

I have had my focus on other things lately. Grad school, my summer school work and my new business.

I have not had my focus on God.

God has really blessed me with my new business venture but I have let it take priority over many things in my life. I have put my first focus each day on my business and not God.

Today I am changing all of that. From now on the first thing I will do each morning is be in His word. Everything else will take care of itself when I put God first.

I feel ashamed of what I have let happen but I know that God still loves me and forgives me. He still has plans to use me for his good.

Though I may not of sinned like the people in Numbers 24 and 25 my sin is just as equal. Anytime we take our eyes off of Him we open up the opportunity for Satan to get a foothold. Satan is crafty and loves to make us believe that things are exciting and wonderful when in all reality they are distracting us for our Lord and Savior.

Lord I thank you today for all that you have given me. I thank you for all of the wonderful success you have blessed me with. I pray for forgiveness for putting you second or third. I pray that you will have mercy on me and help guide me in the ways YOU would have me to go. Lord use me through new opportunities to share about you and your greatness. May you be glorified in EVERYTHING I do each day. Lord I thank you that each day is a new day and that you are a God that loves me and forgives me each day. -Amen

Special Post: Golden Anniversary

Tomorrow we are traveling to Raleigh to celebrate 50 years of marriage for Jeffrey's parents. I think about my life so far, only being married for 18, and I am in awe. I really have not celebrated many 50th anniversaries. My dad's dad died, my mom's parents divorced during their 50th year and my mom and dad celebrated 25 before my mom passed on.

When I think about this day for them, I can only see 18 years of their life together. What I have seen in those years is that they value family, love their children and are helpers. I can speak personally on ALL 3 of these.

For a moment I want to focus on is Jeffrey. He is my source for the years beyond my 18. He had two parents that loved him and raised him to be the man he is today. He played with dolls, was on the jazz dance team, loved sports, made good grades and stayed out of trouble for the most part. When Jeffrey talks to me about his childhood there is this underlying theme:

He knew his parents loved him no matter what and they listened to him. They were tough but fair. That in turn made him feel shame when he did get caught doing wrong. He developed character and that helped shape the decisions he would make all of his life.

Those of us who are parents know that you can do your very best and your children still choose to make bad decisions. There is no guarantee that you get out what you put in.

I have seen these two people love people (not just their children) who have made bad decisions. They loved me through a rough period of my life and helped us through some tough patches in our life. They came to our home to help when the kids were little, during busy times when I was in college and during emergency situations. They do this for all of their children and during these last 15 years I have seen that translate into helping their parents.

I guess I say all of that to say this, I am very proud and honored to be a part of the Collins family. I quickly learned that no family is perfect but it is the love they have for one another that sets them a part.

I hope that on my 50th I can look back and have accomplished as much as they have these 50 years. Are they were they thought they would be today? I think most of us would answer no if we were asked this question.

What I know is that they are two amazing people who have invested in the people they love and that is what being married and raising a family is all about.

Numbers 21, 22 and 23 - Unnoticed Protection

These 3 chapters have been very difficult for me to wrap my brain around. Too many difficult and similar names. Ugh. Between online classes and planning a special event this weekend, my brain is on autopilot.

What I do see here is that God protects and he keeps his promises to his people.

I can't even imagine how many times God has protected me when I really didn't even know. I think of that corny song (yes, not a big fan) by Garth Brooks, Unanswered Prayers. I do appreciate it's message. So many times I have wanted something sooooooooooooooooooooooo badly and didn't get it. I was disappointed and confused. I am sure there was a little anger thrown in there as well. I would beg and plead with God and frankly turn away from Him in hopes of securing on my own.

The beautiful truth is that God intended for me NOT to have that thing I desperately wanted, get that praise I felt I deserved to have, be chosen for that team to work on that project that was innovative...I praise him for the few times that he reveals his protection for me. But that brings me to right here right now wondering how many times he has done this and not revealed it to me.


Lord, thank you for always keeping your promises to me. Thank you for loving me so much and knowing exactly what I need. Your wisdom is more than I can fathom and your power and glory has me in awe. You are worthy of my praise through all that I face, good and bad. Lord help me to hold on to those promises when I am doubting you Father. Thank you for your protection and provisions in times that seemed bleak with no possible answers. Father I am claiming your power over so many of these situations right now and I am giving you full control. Thank you God for having power over it all. -Amen

Numbers 18, 19 and 20 - In Sync (Not the boy band.)

There is so much to say about these chapters. It is difficult to know where to start.

In Chapter 18 we see God's love and provision for his people once again. He calls the Levites to care for the tent with specific instructions. While they are called to do this big job for him God provides for them by giving them the offerings of the Israelite nation. In verse 20 we see the beautiful picture of how they would not have an inheritance because God was their share and inheritance.

Let us just pause here for a moment and reflect on this. God was their share and inheritance. God is our share and inheritance. I don't know about you, but I sure needed to read and reflect on this today.

In Chapter 19 we see specific instructions from God on the water of cleansing. God would purify an unclean person's faith by the sprinkling of this water. This is such a beautiful picture of God's love for the His people.

Chapter 20 is probably the saddest chapter of the Old Testament. Here we see that the people were without water. Once again Moses went to God and asked for Him to provide for the people. God gave specific instructions on what Moses was to do.

1. Take the staff,
2. Gather the assembly.
3. SPEAK to the rock.

What did Moses do?
1. Took the staff.
2. Gathered the assembly.
3. Struck the rock.

Before I go any further I want to say that I have done this countless times in my 39 years on earth.

Here God.
Trust in God.
Do part of what God says to do/Do what I think is best.
Receive the consequence from God.

Moses spent his life honoring God and doing what God commanded him to do yet in this one instance Moses, in anger, hit the rock with the staff instead of speaking to it.

I agree with the ladies in the weekend wrap up. We can stop here and focus on how Moses really messed up and received what I feel would be a devastating consequence or we can praise God for providing the water despite Moses' disobedience.

This passage really shows God's love for Moses despite the anger that Moses showed God's people. God provided the water. He didn't strike down Moses. Moses was doing good for God but for the wrong reason.

So many times I find myself doing this. It really takes discipline, prayer and reflection to make sure that I am not serving Him to gain attention for myself. The glory is ALL God's. In everything he allows me to do to serve him, the glory is His.

This is so hard to read because Moses was so obedient. It seems like there were so many complaints and unbelief from the Israelites. Over and over Moses went to God on their behalf asking Him to spare them.

But ladies, we all know that we are called to be set apart. We are called to follow Him and be obedient to him. Our good works alone are not going to please God. We must listen to Him though his word, prayer, quiet time...We have to be in sync with God to know what he wants us to do in our lives.

I have been out of sync these past few weeks. I am praying that my focus be on Him each day as I rise, all throughout my day and when I close my eyes at night. It is so easy to grumble, busy myself with other things and not be disciplined.

I pray that I will be in sync with my Father and hear his instructions for me.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTDoDA-1lsE

Numbers 17 - A Thankful, Trusting Heart

Watch out toes...

I am just this week dealing with a situation. Something I really felt needed to be done in this situation for me personally and professionally caused more work for someone else in my life. I don't think this person fully understands why I had to do this and probably feels like I put the choice before God and a commitment I had made. On the other hand I can see how my choice made things more difficult for them. Right now there just seems to be a lot of grumbling and complaining about it from both sides.

Not one of us is perfect.

God always provides a way.

So many times I catch myself grumbling. Grumbling is a direct reflection of my lack of trust and faith in God.

As a Christian when I complain or grumble it is like I am telling God that what he has provided is not good enough. I am also sending the message to others (including non-believers) that what I have is mediocre. Not good enough. Less than what I deserve.

Any Veggie Tales fans out there? Madame Blueberry?

A thankful heart is a happy heart. Be glad for what you have, it's an easy way to start.

YES! YES and YES!

Today I am going to be more mindful of my grumbling. I don't want God to hear these statements in my mind and heart whispering that what he provides is less than I deserve.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhcI-HXicwY

Numbers 15 & 16 - Reflection on Sin

Um, wow. I totally don't remember reading this. I know I have before but must have forgotten. What a HUGE reminder this morning that God don't play.

The earth just opened up and swallowed them. Everyone. Women, children, all of the possessions.

I sit here imagining the people who really did nothing wrong but were swallowed up. It really seems so unfair but when you think about it, this happens all of the time.

How many times in our lives do we see innocent people affected by sin.

Addictions - gambling, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, food

Crimes - theft, murder

But what about the sins that aren't big now but start out small? Are you glued to your phone checking social media and not investing in those around you? Are you lying to your spouse about the price of something you bought. Maybe you made it more "on sale" than it actually was. Maybe you were too friendly with a co-worker and it turned into "harmless" flirting but led to nothing else, yet. Are you gossiping? I tell you friends. this is has been a HUGE one for me. Since I have left one school to begin another, I really see how gossip really had a hold on me.

Sin affects not only you but those around you. It is easy to see on the news and on true crime shows but we have to look at OUR life and see how our sin is hurting or will eventually hurt others in our lives.

I am so thankful for a God who forgives and shows grace and mercy. I know I will be in prayer right now asking for just that. I don't want to be swallowed up by what now seems like small sin but could become a huge problem in the future.

Numbers 13 & 14 - Mission Trip to Dollar Tree

While I read these 2 chapters and completed my study guide, I do want to talk about an encounter I was blessed to have today.

I will be really honest in saying that we are on a VERY tight budget right now. I know the Lord will provide for our needs as he always does. This is just temporary. We have several big expenses right now and just don't want to over do it.

Today I was in the Dollar Tree. It was pretty busy for 11:30 and there was only one cashier. I kept seeing this one group of teens who had special needs. I had seen them for the first time in the parking lot as I walked in. They were with 2 women. I am not certain if they were adopted, in foster care, part of a group home...All I know is that the women were so kind and patient with them. I watched them as I stood in the long line at the check out, mildly annoyed because they were out of helium and I needed a balloon. 

The teens were so polite, so well behaved. It was clear that they had $1 each to spend. The one boy had some kind of animal figure that would expand when you put it in water. The women was explaining to him that "it is small now, but it will be big later when we put it in water". The 3 girls had earbuds, a water bottle and a journal. As I was standing there I tapped the women on the shoulder and said "let me buy this stuff for you". 

Her face looked confused. She asked me why and I just told her that I would like to pay for the items. Another women directly behind me grabbed me and gave me a huge hug. She said she had just in that moment heard about a subway shooting and that there was at least one nice person left in this world. 

I didn't really say much the entire time this was all going on. One of the teens said "God has really blessed us today". No sweet boy, God blessed me today. I continued in silence which is odd because y'all know I am a talker. I swiped my debit card, paid and simple told them to have a nice day. 

God silenced my talky talk. He wanted me to hear. He wanted me to connect with his people in a different way today. He had provided me with the $14 to pay for their stuff. He allowed me to see that people need me to be Jesus. They needed to see him in me. 

I walked out to my van that has almost 200,000 miles on it, drove away and cried like a big ol' baby. 

While my bank account is not overflowing, my heart is. God provides. He puts me in places where I need to be. He loves his people. Just like he loves the Israelite's who can't seem to get it right.

I am very thankful for that little mission trip to the Dollar Tree today. It was beautiful and I am truly grateful for being there and to have been clearly, without a doubt, used by God in that checkout line. 

Now to stop complaining in my mind about what I don't have and fall on my knees in praise and adoration to Him! 

Numbers 10, 11, 12 - Long Arms, Tons of Quail

Ok, so this is totally not like me to be sooooooooo far behind. I hate having to post messages about not having time to post. The reality is that I am putting other things first. Moving to my new classroom, grad school, my bag business, Facebook, naps...I am just being honest.

But here I am, reading these 3 chapters and seeing what God has for me to hear.

When reading these chapters I am reminded of the complaining Israelite's. Nothing ever seemed to be good enough for them. They wanted good food, not manna. I love, love, love how God asks in 11:23, "Is the Lord's arm too short?"...  And then I am reminded of my own complaining and excuses.

Don't we do this ALL OF THE TIME? We put limits on him and what he can do for us. Ladies, His power is greater that we can even begin to fathom. He had the Israelite people 3 feet deep in quail. That was almost 2 tons of birds! Stop right now and think about your Thanksgiving Turkey. I will give you a minute. Now imagine walking out into your yard and wading through 3 feet of bird. Wow!

I have been limiting God in the area of time management this week. I have been missing His voice, His blessings and the peace that can come only from Him.

Where would we be if we really believed that God's arms were not too short? I am challenging myself as well as you to ask God do move in big ways in your life. But here is the hard part, you have to be in prayer, in his word, in fellowship with him and live your life for him. Daily.

Let's stop limiting him and start receiving abundant blessings from our Heavenly Father.

Numbers 7. 8 and 9 - Alive and Able

This week the struggle has been real. Coming off of vacation, starting new eating habits, really pushing it at the gym and being somewhere by 7:45 each morning has been overwhelming. Not to mention all of the grocery shopping, chores and errands. It is 6:19 and I am asking myself, how in the world am I going to make it this morning?

Today I must look to the Lord for his strength, call on him and ask according to his will. Even though my tiredness and weariness this week isn't really a big deal compared to what is going on all around me, God cares. I think that too many times in my life I feel that what I am facing is not important to anyone but me. Not true. God cares about me, every part of me. He cares about every detail of my life.

There have been so many disturbing stories of tragedy this week. It has been hard to see the good in these events. I love the quote from Mr. Rodgers about looking for the helpers. Even if you can't help in this situation, look for ways you can help where you are right now. As tired and weary as I am today, I will still get up in the morning and plan on volunteering at a local food bank.

Tired. Weary.
Alive. Able.

Have a wonderful day sweet friends!

Numbers 6 - Where do you find peace?

Long ago, back in 1998, a certain sweet husband of mine threw a pillow at me and hit my sweet newlywed self right between the eyes. I want to remember that we were arguing but I am not certain. I do remember wanting a divorce. Yes, it was over. The fairy tale was no longer.

I am not kidding.

I was hurt, mortified, shocked and OVERREACTING.

The truth is that I put all I had into Jeffrey. If he was mad at me my stomach would be in knots. If he gave me the silent treatment, I would beg for him to talk to me. I felt unloved and unwanted when we were at odds. All of this was my own making. I had put all that I was on how Jeffrey treated me and loved me. I had unfairly made Jeffrey a god of sorts. Much of this had to do with the distorted view of relationships I had experienced as a child.

Jeffrey being happy and in love with me validated me. It was where I looked for peace and protection. This was not fair to Jeffrey, me and most importantly God.

I have learned so much about relationships over the years. I have grown so much in my relationship with Jeffrey, my girls, friends and God. Putting my trust in God and finding peace in his protection has become my comfort, not anything anyone on this earth can or could ever give me.

Today I am praising God for transforming that dramatic 21 year old who found her self-worth and self-esteem as measured by others into a women who finds her peace and worth from Jesus Christ.

Beautifully broken, finding peace in Him.

Numbers 5 - Honor in Marraige

It took me a long time to realize who I needed to be in my marriage. I was often busy trying to fix Jeffrey. Instead, I needed to fix myself. I often saw lots of faults in him and very little in me.

After 18 years I have learned lots of valuable lessons. Here are a handful...

I have to show him respect.
I have to listen to him.
He gives me no reason not to trust him.
It is not beneficial to talk trash about him to friends and family when I don't agree with him.
Going to bed angry is sometimes good.
I have to hold my tongue but also stick up for what I feel is right.

The last sentence is interesting. As my trust, respect, and love for Jeffrey has grown over these years I rarely have concerns about what he is doing for our family. He does what he genuinely feels is best for me so I put full trust in him. If he is wrong, I forgive. We are a team. We work together for the good of us and for the good of our family.

Marriage is not perfect. I am not perfect. He is not perfect. Our kids are not perfect.

In 1998 I saw my marriage as a fairy tale. I had preconceived notions of what love, our home, conversations, sex, finances and the over all relationship should be. Once I let go of all of those, my marriage became more than I ever imagined it could be. The earthly ideas of marriage were replaced by biblical truths about how I should live my life and honor my marriage.

Today, in this season, my life with Jeffrey is pretty amazing. I know as time goes by, the seasons will change. I know that our strong foundation of trust, love and respect for one another will help us face the storms of life.

I am starting a new bible study at the end of the month through Proverbs 31 Ministry. It is about bettering your relationship with your husband. I encourage you to join me on this short study. I know God will use it to better my relationship even more.

Numbers 3 and 4 - 8,580 Men and No Truck

Have you ever moved?

I have.

Georgia to Rock Hill 1998
Rock Hill to another apartment in Rock Hill 1999
Rock Hill to Columbia 2000
Columbia to our new house 2001

I have not moved in 15 years. The next time I move will be a huge mess. I have a attic full of treasures and closets full of stuff.

I do remember wrapping all of my wedding china and valuables carefully. I wrapped them in the finest newspaper one could find. We didn't allow these things on the moving truck. Jeffrey took them in the car each time we moved. He took special care not to break or damage these items that were really important to me.

I also remember packing the rest of our wares. At the beginning I was careful to sperate items by room and carefully pack each item. By the end of the days of packing I was just throwing stuff in boxes. Have you ever been there?

Another memory I have is when we hired a moving company to move us into our home from the apartment. All of the other times we had moved ourselves. We were big shots now. We hired Two Men and a Truck. I can remember my family taking extra care moving our furniture. I don't feel like we got the same from the moving company.

My family understood the value of the furniture. They knew the importance, the history. The movers did not. They banged and bumped. They were more concerned about the timeline than the items they were moving. They did not take the same care that my family did.

God was very specific in who he chose to move the tent of meeting and all of its contents. There was great detail in how the items were to be wrapped and how they were to be transported.

I really don't ever remember reading very much of Numbers before. I am rejoicing this morning that my God is once again revealed to be a God of meticulous detail.

Lord, thank you for being a God of detail. Thank you for caring so much for even the smallest, most mundane parts of my day. Lord help me to see you throughout today. Help me to share your awesomeness with those I meet. Help me focus on the small details of your word that I may sometimes read over quickly. Thank you for your care of every part of my day and every detail of my life. Amen.

Numbers 2 - God is in every detail.

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

God is in every detail in our lives. Just as he was specific in how he ordered the tribes and how they were to march, he has specific work he is doing in us.

Before my faith deepened I use to fear this. Now I find great comfort in it. I am so thankful that my God has it all under control. He orders my steps. He knows what I need. He puts me where I need to be to execute his plan.

I am very thankful that God is a God of order and detail. I can spend time busying myself making plans for my life and for my families life but His truth is that his purpose will prevail. I need only trust in Him.

Numbers 1 - Faithfulness

This morning I rolled out of bed, put on my swimsuit and went out to get my towel off of the balcony and guess what? It was pouring down rain.

I had so much faith that I would be at the beach, in my chair, watching the sunrise.

It was a great segue into what I would be studying in Numbers this morning. So many times I put my faith in me, not what God has planned. Even with something as little as the rainy first morning at the beach. I was so sure that what I had planned was going to be.

In this first chapter we see that a census was taken of all of the men in Israel, except for the tribe of Levi. They were set apart. They were chosen to move the temple and take care of all aspects of it due to their faithfulness.

We also see the fulfillment of God's promise to Abraham. The tribe of Judah was the largest. Judah the 4th son of Jacob. Jacob the soon of Issac, Issac the son of Abraham. What a beautiful fulfillment in those numbers.

It is also important to remember some things about Moses. If you have the study guide this is found on pages 3-4.

He was raised by someone other than his parents.
He murdered a guard that beat an Israelite.
He was 80 when his ministry started.
He has a speech problem and had a confidence problem.
He never entered the promise land due to disobedience to God.


God is in control of every detail. Now the sun is shining even though the weatherman said rain all day. Thank you God for this teachable moment today. You are in control.

Acts 28 - Be Bold

"He proclaimed the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ - with all boldness and without hindrance." Acts 28:31

Today I will walk out of my school after 4 years of teaching my sweet 3 year olds. I am sure it will be a tad emotional. I will really miss a lot of the people there.

As I reflect on my 4 years there I hope that I have encouraged and loved people there. My ministry to my students and parents has been a beautiful one. It is hard to see why God has called me to leave but I am trusting in him.

I have prayed with friends in that building, shared verses, encouraged those in need... I have seen my students leave special ed and excel in the general setting.

God has blessed these 7 years in preschool. There have been choppy waters but He has always provided a way to safety.

I am looking forward to what He has planned for me. My summer prayers and focus will be focused on Acts 28:21

Be bold!
Don't be hindered!
Proclaim the Kingdom of God!

Happy Summer teacher friends!
LBNE peeps, please know that I love you and will miss you dearly.

I will be blogging from the Outer Banks next week. I am looking forward to experiencing the wonders of God through His creation. I can hardly wait to see what he is going to reveal to me through the book of Numbers.

Acts 27 - Dear Friend

Dear Sweet Friend,

I know that you are in the midst of a storm right now. In fact, you have been in this storm for quit some time.

As I read Acts 27, I am encouraged for you. I know that what may seem like many dark nights on that ship in that treacherous storm will not be for naught.

I have watched you as you have battled the wind, rain and darkness. I have seen the hurt, disappointment and sadness. I have seen you wanting to give up. I have seen you want to just walk away.

My sister in Christ, let me reassure you that even though your lifeboat drifted away, God has been there all along. Keep your courage. You will reach the land safely, just like Paul.

I don't know if you are saved. I pray today that if you are not, you will be. I pray God's blessings upon you. I pray that He will protect you, lead you, guide you and keep you. I pray that this storm you are in will calm. I pray His peace upon you, a peace that can only come through Him.

Keep your head up. Face this with courage. Pray. Let Him work in your life.

God loves you and so do I.

Your Friend,
Mandey

Acts 26 - Here I am. Use me!

Paul was not backing down. He was sure of Jesus. Sure of the calling on his life. Sure that he could win these people over for Christ.

When I read about Paul in this Chapter I think about those who have been martyred. I think about those who would not back down from the word of God even when faced with death.

It is sometimes easy to forget about those who are spreading the gospel in dangerous situations around the world when we are so comfortable in our cozy homes and churches.

Why is it so hard for me to share my faith with others when the opportunity arises? Even after all I have learned and know, I still feel nervous and hesitate at times.

A friend has encouraged me by hosting a neighborhood bible study. I am going to spend this summer opening up my home to reach my neighbors. Every Sunday I see cars parked in driveways, people doing yard work, blinds closed...Here is my summer mission field. My own backyard.

It is uncomfortable. I feel vulnerable. It is risky.

I do know that God will honor my efforts. He has a plan. His will will be done.

How can you step out like Paul? For some it may be sticking your toes in the baby pool and for others it may be jumping off into the deep end. How can God use you this summer?

I wanted to thank each one of you for your continuous support of my ministry here and encourage you to add friends to this page. Lost friends. Friends that may scoff at the idea. Pray about who God would want you to invite. I know I will be in prayer for people to come here who don't know Jesus. I pray that God will use these words to encourage us believers as well as unbelievers.

I pray that my eyes will be open this summer. Join me!

Open the Eyes of My Heart

Acts 16 & 17 - Love Your Jailer

This morning I am going to focus on Acts 16:27-28

I have read this passage many times. This morning God is really speaking to me in a new way.

27-28 Startled from sleep, the jailer saw all the doors swinging loose on their hinges. Assuming that all the prisoners had escaped, he pulled out his sword and was about to do himself in, figuring he was as good as dead anyway, when Paul stopped him: “Don’t do that! We’re all still here! Nobody’s run away!”

Paul saved the very person that was keeping him in chains. Once the earthquake broke the chains and the walls crumbled, they could have been out with nothing to stop them. Instead, Paul and Silas saved this man from taking his own life. As the jailer, I am certain that he did not treat them well at all. Even though they were mistreated, they offered grace and mercy.

I am sitting here reflecting on who or what it keeping me in prison. I would hope that I would offer the same grace and mercy that Paul and Silas did in that situation. Would I save the person who was keeping me in bondage?

I know that in my life there are many difficult people that I have to deal with, people who are not on the top of my list of favorites.

There is this one particular person that has spread lies about me and even done some things at work that are not ethical. For some reason this person continues to have a job despite these things.

I was angry at this person. I said not so nice things about her. I hated her.

Recently I have given it to God. This person who really tried to muddy up my reputation was not successful. I really do think this verse gives me a little comfort in knowing that I am protected by him because I am from him and because I am living in him.

"For in him we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:28

If I had not been in the word, in prayer and trying desperately to live according to God's word, there may have been some bad results. Instead, I gave it to him and he protected me each time something would happen.

This person is not a believer. Wouldn't it be such a beautiful picture if one day she did believe and I had a small part to play in that?

Think of someone who has or has had you in chains. How can you show them the love of Christ?

Today I will write this person a note and make peace since I will no longer be working with her as I start a new chapter in my career. I don't know how it will be received. Maybe she will just throw it away. Maybe she will pass it around and make fun of me. I am giving it to God so that he will use this situation for his glory.

Acts 24 & 25 - Hold On To His Promises

I know that most of us here today have been in a situation where we have been falsely accused. I can clearly remember my mom accusing my brother and I of going to Atlanta when I was 18. She swore that we were lying to her about where we had been all day and that we had drove there for the day. We swore up and down that we didn't. We had actually been hanging a friends house all day. She never believed us. We were falsely accused. I remember the desperation we felt in trying to prove our case. She punished us unjustly. There was nothing we could do.

As an adult, in my workplace. I have been falsely accused. I have been accused of cutting a students hair, not liking a student, ignoring students, being racist....the list could go on and on. If you have ever been in this type of situation you know the frustration and all of the emotions that come with that. At first I am usually shocked. I can't believe that someone would accuse me of these things since I know in my heart that I would NEVER do them. Then I try to rationalize where in the world these accusations could have come from. Did I say something wrong? Maybe I came across as this type of person? What have I done to make them think this about me? Then I get angry. I know I didn't do this and I can't believe that they are accusing me of such.

I usually have to go through all of these emotions (which takes about 10 minutes) before my racing heart slows down and I go to Him in prayer, praying for His complete protection in the situation.

It is so human of me to go through all the feels before taking it to Jesus.

I can't imagine being imprisoned for 2 years because of false accusations. I would hope that I would hold on to His promises during that difficult time. I know that my own mind would be my worst enemy. Satan knows that and is quick to try to get in my head and make me worry and doubt.

Are you facing something difficult today? Something in the past that has a hold on you?

My prayer today is that I will be freed from the past accusations and that I will be prepared for any future ones by being in His word and being in prayer.

Father I thank you for your word today. I thank you for the example of Paul. His life was not easy and filled with false accusations. I pray that when accusers come my way that "my goal will be that they are encouraged in heart and united in love, in order that they may know the mystery of you and in who are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge". I pray that my life will be a living testimony to your truth and great power. I pray that the false accusers see you in me and I pray that I hold on to your promises in those difficult times. Father remind me that I need to be in your word daily and in fellowship with you ALL of the time, not just when I am in need. You are for me and not against me. Thank you for your love and forgiveness. Help me to go into the world today with full confidence of your word and promises and of your eternal love for me. Amen.


Promises

Acts 23 - The Lord Stood Near

As I sit here smelling like hot dog juice (cooking for our end of the year party) I am reflecting on all of the times the Lord has stood near me just like he did with Paul.

Today is my last day as a preschool teacher. It has been a wonderful 7 years but not always easy. I have been faced with parents and colleagues who I have needed God's protection from.

Physically attacked by a colleague
Falsely accused of being a racist
Physically attacked by a parent
Accused of cutting a kids hair
Accused of biting a kid
Accused of lying
Being told that I was a horrible teacher

I have taught about 100 students these 7 years. I could have easily given up, lost hope, or become discouraged to the point where I quit the race God called me to run. I am so thankful to have been able to work with these families and colleagues, even the ones who persecuted me. Especially those. They are the ones who needed to see Jesus in me.

I am so thankful that God called me to this ministry of preschool. I see glimmers of what he might use me for in middle school. I am not afraid. I am not concerned. I am not doubting. I know he has it all planned out and is going to stand near me.

Take some time to reflect on those times that God has been standing right beside you, encouraging you when the situation seemed dangerous, hopeless, scary... Isn't it wonderful that our Father loves us, cares for us, and protects us? Give him praise for that today.

Today will be a mix of emotions but I stand firm in knowing that this is Gods will.

And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Thank you God for always working for my good!

Acts 21 & 22 - Make Something Beautiful

This week I have let lots of stuff come between me and my daily work here.

School
My Initials Inc Business
A Busy Schedule
Tiredness

I really feel ashamed for not giving my first fruits to Him this week.

Last week I was feeling super tired. I have been sooooooooo busy with IEPs, end of school and various other time snatchers that I have not gone to the gym like I needed to be. When I am in the gym 3-5 times a week I feel healthy, strong and full of energy.

My time with God each day is no different.

When I am not in his word daily I get tired, weak and off track. It is so easy to find excuses not to put Him first.

I love 2 things that jumped out to me this morning in these chapters.

1. God spoke only in a way that Saul (Paul) could hear. No one else could see or understand.
2. My past sins don't limit my future witness or work for Christ.

I love how the first revelation happens to me. I can read scripture and see a different message then when I read it before. I can hear songs, re-read books, commentaries, past blogs, etc and see how He is using that moment in time to speak to me in a new way, a way that no one else can see or understand.He is giving that moment to me. It is personal and beautiful and displays His love for me.

While reading the scripture this morning I wrote the second revelation in the margins of my journaling bible. I love how Paul gave his testimony. He spoke our lives in this passage. We were all Saul before coming to know Christ. So many times I look at my sins and past mistakes as embarrassing and something that separates me from being able to do His work. I immediately think of this song below. He is going to make something beautiful out of this brokenness. Out of this sin. Out of my imperfectness.

Father thank you for what you are doing in my life. Thank you for ALL of my life and how you are using it. When I am tired and distracted I pray that you give me the strength and guidance to focus on your work and will in my life. Forgive me when I put anything before you. You are worthy. You are my Father. You love me despite the broke down days that I have. Thank you Lord for your word and for all of the beautiful works you have done, are doing and will do in me. Amen!

Make Something Beautiful

Acts 18, 19 & 20 - Confident in His Will

Life has been a little crazy. Sorry I am so far behind...

I have really been moved by reading about Paul's life. So many times I have felt too lost or broken to believe that God could use me. So many times in my life God has had to tell me to get up on my feet and follow his will.

These chapters are such a beautiful picture of God's love for Paul. Paul reached so many people and cared deeply for the people of Ephesus. Paul's season in this city was coming to and end. I think about my own transition right now. The words in Chapter 20 give me great hope. While I will miss the wonderful people I work with, I am confidently trusting in God.

Change is difficult. I like to be able to predict things. I like to be comfortable. Paul definitely stepped out of his comfort zone according to the call that was put on his life.

I hope that I can continue to be confident of what I am called by him to do. I pray this in advance of those long, difficult days when I am not sure why I am where I will be.

God calls us to be uncomfortable. I am praying verse 24 this morning. May God use me to testify about his good news!

Beautifully Broken

Here is my story that I shared at a women's ministry event Monday night.

When you look at me you see a mother, wife, teacher, friend, volunteer, encourager, writer and most importantly a child of God.

What you don’t see is the mess that my life was and sometimes still is.

I have been in darkness. Far away from God. Many times in my life.

When I was asked to share my story my first thought was that my story changes every day but God remains the same. He is the one constant in my life.

Satan was quick to start whispering lies to try to discourage me. He wants me to believe that I am broken and not good enough.

What can I say that could help someone?

They must have had a hard time finding someone to do this.

Then my prayers began with a specific focus.

Lord, give me the words that someone needs to hear. Help me to encourage. Help me do your will. It is not about me, it is about you and proclaiming the wonderful works in my life.

And then there was this verse one morning during my devotional:

“But you will receive the power when the Holy Spirit comes on you.” Acts 1:8

And it did. And it has been powerful.

As I wrote these words I kept feeling that maybe these words weren’t for someone else. Maybe God needed me to see his power. I think I needed a big reminder of...

His love for me.

His provisions.

His grace.

His mercy.

His power to save.

His light that has always been shining, even in the darkest parts of my life.

I have always been a church girl. Not going to church was not an option during my childhood.

As a young adult with the freedom to say no to church, I went.

My childhood was really messy and I received so much love from the people in my small country church. There were lots of things that happened to me that I felt I didn’t deserve. While writing this I see that God was providing love and nurturing and building the foundation through those sweet women teaching sunday school and children’s church. Although the message from home was “not good enough” , “unworthy”, “failure”, the message from church was that of love. I had the opportunity this weekend to thank some of those women for their love but most importantly for their prayers.

When I met Jeffrey in 1998 he was not a church boy. My grandmother quickly set him straight. If you are visiting here on a Sunday, you will go to church. And he did. We had a long distance relationship so he would stay with us some weekends and he was in church every Sunday.

Jeffrey had been brought up Methodist but had never been saved. My pastor discouraged me from marrying him because we were not evenly yoked. I felt God saying something so different.

In August 1998 Jeffrey and I were married and I moved away from home for the first time. I moved from a little town outside of Macon, GA to Rock Hill, SC. I knew no one there. It was lonely. I quickly found a church.

We both went through the motions of church for the next several years. Jeffrey would come occasionally. I met a wonderful friend at my part time job at Belk. Her family loved us and took us in as part of their family. Once again, God provided for us. He provided a family that loved us when we were so far away from our own in a new unfamiliar place.

In 2000 Jeffrey was offered a job in Columbia so we moved. Once again, to a place I had never been to. I knew no one. So, I found a church. I started teaching 4 year old Sunday School at Shandon. Jeffrey would come to church more often. He enjoyed helping me on Sundays.

That next year Jeffrey and I were laying in bed one night at his parents house. He turned to me and told me that he wanted what I had. He wanted that relationship with Jesus. My husband was the first person I had led to Christ. That beautiful moment means more than any other. His name was entered into the book of life.

In 2004 I was then blessed with a baby after concerns of infertility. When Abby was a perfect, typically developing 8 month old, Jeffrey and I decided that we wanted another baby. 9 months later we had another sweet baby girl.

Despite all of this goodness there was was darkness.  My mom died unexpectedly. My dad remarried a year later. My grandparents who had been married for 50 years divorced.

I was lost. Far from God. I was a liar. I was dishonest. This was the start of the darkest period of my life. I did things that hurt my family. Jeffrey had every right to leave me. We were in financial ruins. We were at rock bottom from my huge error in judgment. All while having these sweet babies.

As Jeffrey and I continued to heal from the consequence of my sin, we had to keep going. This time in our life was mainly dark with glimmers of light. Jeffrey was working nights and watching the kids while I was finishing up my degree in special education. It was hard. It was lonely. We were both so tired. God continued to provide for us as he always had. I graduated, found a job prior to graduating and have been serving him through my preschool special needs class ever since.

Many of you know the details of Abby and her diagnosis of Autism. I could really speak for hours about this but I will simply say this… Abby was a nonverbal toddler. We were far away from family. God provided through this church. He gave us sweet Lindsay during this season of our life. She loved my girls are cared for them while I was finishing my degree at Columbia College. He surrounded us with a support system that was clearly from him. Through his people. Through his church.

And here I am today. Living proof of his grace and mercy. He took someone broken, someone away from the flock and filled me full of the Holy Spirit, fully surrendering to him. He is helping this broken church girl piece together my life according to his plan.

This past year of my life has been pretty amazing. It hasn’t been perfect. It hasn’t been easy.

It has simply been filled with Jesus.

It has been filled with his word. It has been filled with prayer. It has been filled with beautiful worship. It has been filled with a pouring out of myself so I can be filled with him.

Some of you follow a blog that I started last year to use a way to dig deeper into the Proverbs 31 Ministries First 5 Bible Study.

I didn’t know enough about the Bible to even think I could do this. I can tell you that doing this daily has changed my life. My day starts at 4:30 with at least an hour of study and prayer. Before August of last year, I would read my Bible at church on Sunday.

This year I have stopped putting limits on God. I have developed a deep relationship with him through study and prayer. I have put my trust in him.

As I reflect through this testimony I see that it is clear that I am Beautifully Broken and that he is using my brokenness to reach and minister to others.

During this season he has called me to a new mission field. I have taken a job as a middle school resource teacher for the next school year. I have really been surrounded by his perfect peace in every detail of this move…..

(Share details if time allows)

It really is a leap of faith where I am putting complete trust in Him because it cannot come from me. He will equip me and give me what I need to do what he has planned for me.

I don’t know what this next year holds. I do know that I will continue to draw closer to him everyday. I do know that it will be filled with his word and a relationship with him. He is the light in the darkness. He is the glue that holds all of these broken pieces together.

Will you pray with me?

Lord, thank you for these women that are here tonight. Father I want to thank you for all of the seasons in my life. Even in the darkest moment of my life you have been there shining brighter than the sun. Thank you for loving me despite of myself. I pray that you bless each women and family represented here. I pray that you work in mighty ways that are clearly from you. Forgive us for where we fall short each day and sometimes even each moment. Help us to be the women that you call us to be.  Thank you for this opportunity to fellowship tonight. We give you all of the honor and praise, Amen.